{"id":11,"date":"2020-06-05T17:15:50","date_gmt":"2020-06-05T17:15:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.frindow.com\/blog\/?p=11"},"modified":"2024-06-08T13:46:15","modified_gmt":"2024-06-08T13:46:15","slug":"why-is-it-so-hard-to-make-new-friends-as-adults","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.frindow.com\/blog\/why-is-it-so-hard-to-make-new-friends-as-adults\/","title":{"rendered":"Why is it so hard to make new friends as adults?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u201cDo you want to be my friend?\u201d is a question that many young children have no problem with asking in the school playground. There is an innate understanding in children that \u201cwe must play\u201d and that playing on your own isn\u2019t nearly as much fun as playing with somebody else. So children get from A to B very quickly, \u201clet\u2019s play and be friends\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fast forward into adulthood. Responsibility, work and (for some of us) parenthood takes hold. Our life circumstances change. We move away from our hometown, and our playground buddies have long since gone their own way. But guess what – us adults still want to play, and like when we were very young, we don\u2019t like to do it on our own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The good old days<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

When I was five, I was quite content with running around the playground with only the top button of my Parker coat done up so that I could pretend\u00a0 to be Batman. My friend (Robin of course)\u00a0 and I had a connection – Batman. It was simple and it was fun.\u00a0 Now in my late forties, the games, or rather, the things that engage me, have become a little more sophisticated, as has the process of making new friends.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Exposure<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

As children and young adults, attending school, college or university is a great way of getting to know people because of the constant day-to-day exposure (in the good old days before lockdown at least). For many of us, work is the closest equivalent, but we often apply a level of caution at work. \u201cDo I really want to confide in a work colleague? What if they tell somebody else and the whole office knows?\u201d. Or maybe friendship could compromise your authority, judgement and perceived impartiality. The point is, it could get messy. And what about those of us who work alone or with a small group of people with whom friendship, close friendship, for whatever reason, is a no-no?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Furthermore, a lot of us assume that every other adult that we see already has a solid circle of friends, and if we expose that we want more friends, it\u00a0 suggests something about us that is lacking, something even anti-social. Having others think of us in this way (we feel) would embarrass us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So what shall we play?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

What do we want to play anyway? Probably not Batman and Robin or Hopscotch anymore (at least, not with anyone older than 6 or 7). No, our game could be an intellectual sparring match, arguing over football, slagging off the government, walking in the countryside, playing Bingo, etc., etc.. So the question is: how do adults get from A to B without going up to someone and saying \u201cdo you want to be my friend\u201d?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are some suggestions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n